Wale’s Latest “Honey” Magazine Relationship Column
Washington, D.C. native/Nigerian rapper Wale has a relationship column for Honey magazine. He discusssed the dynamic of placing the title “boyfriend/girlfriend/friend” can do to one’s relationship. Remember back in high school it was considered cute to be called a ‘bf/gf’ but what about when you’re all grown up. Do you flipped the terms to say that’s my man/that’s my girl? Wale tackled this delicate issue for Honey readers. What he had to say was quite interesting.
And I quote Wale…
A wise woman once told me that there is no such thing as boyfriend/girlfriend (insert air quotes) status. You’re either married or single. I think that mentality only works for optimistic free spirits. The carefree. Those who live for the moment. Those who never pursue or search for love – they consider it something they will eventually stumble upon. To these people, titles are meaningless.
I, on the other hand, believe a title is the second most effective form of validating one’s affection, next to “puttin’ a rang on it.” You see, some people look at titles as simple vernacular, a way of claiming a piece of property. Claiming someone as my girlfriend is a reflection of pride. Being able to look my girl in a room full of vultures, corporate folk, beautiful women, and dudes in search of ass and cleavage and being able to say, ‘Hey, this is my girl.’ It’s like saying,
Out of the six billion people on this planet, this is the one person entitled to every facet of me. This is who consumes my thoughts, this is who motivates me to be a better person, she is my she.
‘Out of the six billion people on this planet, this is the one person entitled to every facet of me.’ This is who consumes my thoughts, this is who motivates me to be a better person, she is my she. In my opinion titles create a level of security for a woman. Us men like to have the safety valve. The option to be able to say, ‘But we’re not in a relationship.’ In other words, a get-out-of-pu$$y-jail-free card. It essentially allows you to fuck who you want, when you want — without any significant repercussions. I’ve also been in love with a woman who didn’t want commitment, but still treated our relationship as a monogamous situation. In retrospect, maybe I should have been okay with it, but the lingering frustration with the apparent imbalance of #thatthing, pushed me to say some things that eventually ruined our friendship.
Which leads me to the term friend. The classification gets used so loosely and so often when referring to the not-quite-my-boyfriend-but-we-still-f*c% associate, that it’s nearly impossible to gage someone’s true feelings. I’ve learned from experience that some people are simply scared to death of growing up and shy away from any form of responsibility. In high school, boyfriend/ girlfriend was more an accessory used to decorate a sentence. (ie. ‘I’m goin’ to the movies with my boyfriend.’ To teenage girls, it sounds way cooler then, ‘I’m goin’ to the movies with Josh.’) But as you mature, the connotation behind bf/gf status is more about restrictions — not being able to sleep around, not being able to go to clubs every other night, and constant nagging about the aforementioned.
You can’t guarantee that putting a title on something that’s already flawed is going to make it better. But you can’t guarantee that not defining it will make the relationship less complicated. I guess what I’m trying to say is that defining an existing relationship is as unpredictable as a pair of dice. The only thing I can say with certainty is that once that relationship status is spelled out, something will change, for better or worse.
These are just my thoughts, ladies and gents. Thank you for reading. Love often, love hard, and love consistently. Peace. (READ THE FULL ARTICLE OVER AT HONEYMAG.COM)
I agree with Wale when he said, “this is the one person entitled to every facet of me” and when he also said “you either married or single” but do you agree with what Wale had to say about relationships?? Are we putting too much emphasis on boyfriend/girlfriend and in the process ruining a great friendship??? Does boyfriend/girlfriend mean putting restrictions on the relationship too soon?? Marriage is a full-on committed monogamous relationship whereas dating seems to be the just the same as being single or no strings attached.
photo credits:: Honey Magazine